I think I never will be succesful. It hurt me a lot, and it's difficult.
Why everything ever goes right for me ?
Why my friends who did't even try hard always get what I WANT.

I literally hate my life and that's it.
And I hate my self for not being confident enough on everything I do , for ALWAYS scared with others judgement, for ALWAYS failing, for giving up .

Why am I always the underdog, the one who did not have even one single talent , the one who can't do anything and the one who ALWAYS lack of everything.

I can't act , I can't give a speech , I can't make good excellent poem and essays , I can't sing , I'm not even close to brilliant , I can't sold stuff , WHY MEEEE ???

// hoping that i'll end this phase of life quickly so I can look back and be proud on what i've achieved and fight .

I ask Allah and finally Allah answered my question.

He gave me the best first impression and I'm amazed .

But today, it's all gone .

And i'm still hoping its not true . bye 💔

So, these day I've been soooooooo into youtube and whatsnot yeah,

I just watch random stuff here and there from this channel to that channel .

The most interesting video for me is room tour video WHICH make me feel like

•  what have I done to mylife
•  Why can't I get a life like that 
•  I'm 20 and have no achievement
•  Why can't I just be thankful ?

Just please,

Starting this blog on june 2010.

I look back at my life, too humiliating to read back. haha.
so I draft all of the post from before.

Time really fly fast.
I was just form 2 when I start this blog.
Seriously, I miss my friends. A LOT.
What a great time I had.
Great friends.
Great memory.

Now, some that I used to talk everyday are no longer in contact.
Pretty much sad,
but that's life,
It's not weird.

I'm 19 now.
Studying at UniMAP.
My friends all are getting more matured.
The one who never care about being in love, they care now.
Some are in love, some are heartbroken, some are friend-zoned (poor you).

Everyone changed,
Some get so into fashion,
Some get so into makeup,
Some living western life. lol

I hope everyone is living a happy life.
Hope everyone will be sucessful.
Hope we can meet soon.

//heart emoticon//

some people are just totally scumbag 😤

There's always one time when you fight with your bestfriend but then you miss them soo much and you wish you could talk to them but your ego is too high. But then you try to start a conversation and she seems like she also wanted too. But still, the conversation is going but it get awkward but you keep going in hope that it get to be how it was.

oh my , oh my. pening gila kepala. aku tengah cari supplier kononnya nak buka ig shop. kononnya lah. tapi mampus pening kepala aku cari tak jumpa jumpa. urgh. dekat johor ni mana je craft store senang sikit aku nak beli barang tak payah cari supplier bagai. Kalaulah , kalaulahkan kat Malaysia ada Michaels or Target lepas tu kat johor pulak tu mesti best gila. senang kerja aku. Rasanya aku duduk je kat Target or Michaels tak balik balik. Hahaha . malas tulis pepanjang tengah pening.

kay wtv tak ada cerita tak ada motif .

Labels: ..

• boring gila .
• tepu .
• decaying
• membusuk
• bosan
• tak de kerja
• tak tahu nak buat apa

guest whatt ?? like after this, seumur hidup aku or whatever aku takkan lagi nak dapat jawatan bendahari. no,no,no. Tak nak dah lepas ni . Menyusahkan nak mapus dengan orang tak bayar lepastu aku kena ganti lagi RM 150 sebab aku takut aku salah kira what so ever . macam b . kay kay .

urghhhhhhhhhhhh stresss !!! habis duit tabung aku . ni lagi RM 150 aku tak tahu nak cekau mana . kalau aku siapkan semua tempahan keychain pun belum tentu dapat 150 tu . I'm dead

urghhhhh like seriously last night was so hot, I can barely sleep . And with my stupid hair getting frizzy all the time is killing me like I wanna die. well of course you can't see , but for your information right now I have my hair in a bun and wrap it in a scarf. I wish I am dare enough to bald my hair. I WISH . But, since I'm such a weenie like the one in spongebob squarepants , I just can't and the reason to that is I'm afraid what if my hair does not grow back. That will be a disaster.

my english very teruk. hahahaha

waarrghhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!! I don't know why. But today was just worst. Like, I don't even know why. my auntie and my cousins said they expect me to get straight A's. and I was like --- "yeah I'm not that clever aunt "I don't know but I'm not feeling good. urgh , just wait till I get to see my grandmother. She will be like "baikwlkqijskndkjowokskakjidjkaoj"

So, as for now mohon je segala apa yang ada hoping that aku akan diterima. Please, Please, Please.

"Ya Allah, kau cerahkanlah masa hadapan ku. Berikanlah aku peluang melanjutkan pelajaran ke tempat yang lebih baik agar aku dapat balas jasa ibu bapa ku dan tidak mengecewakan mereka"

So guys, apparently my result is finally out. And i'm kinda happy-not-happy (don't know how to describe that). Still i'm kinda thankful for my result. The things is I just really really hope my parents are not dissapointed with the result. This is a total nightmare.

To make it worse!!!! I'm gonna visit my village during this school holiday.which means my grandma, my uncle, my cousin which also the same age as me , and the Villagers gonna be like 'So how much A's do you got' .Thanks, what a life .

Well,  whatever it is .I really did't expect anything. But still, its very competitive out there with my not so-amazing-bombastic result. Just hoping for the best in the future. I HOPE REALLY REALLY HOPE i'll make it going to asasi or matrix then, from there I'm gonna really paid for this. I'm gonna work hard so I can get scholarship and does not troubling my parents what so ever .

It's been a while guys. So, I will finally get to know my SPM's result in just a few more days. Seriously I'm scared to death. I doesn't have high expectation but it would be nice if  I can get a very good result. The only thing I want is just a result that can make my parents smile and that doesn't make them sad. I know, as their first child of course, they have a very high expectation. emm , I wanna cry.

I've check some of the objective paper's answer. well, chemistry,chemistry,chemistry. I just hope the answer they gave in the internet is wrong.Please. wanna cry right now. emmmm . Ya Allah, please help me. I don't want to disappoint my parents. Amin. Hoping for the best